Hallelujah

Hal-le-lu-jah

Noun - An utterance of the word hallelujah as an expression or worship of rejoicing

You’ve probably heard the song by Leonard Cohen from 1984 titled “Hallelujah.”  Let’s just be honest and admit that we know that song from the movie Shrek 😊.  It’s a great cover of the original for sure! Many have sung great versions of the song for their American Idol try out, or at karaoke night, or on the couch with a glass of wine. “Hallelujah” always seems to be depicted as a joyful call out to the Lord.  But have you ever thought about how “hallelujah” may have more than one meaning? 

I want to provide a bit of backstory.  Let’s go back to December or January of last year.  The Chief Master Sergeant of the Air Force, Chief Wright posted this beautifully assembled inspirational video with “Hallelujah” as its background.  An instrumental version of the song played while aerial footage of what appears to be my current home station (Alaska) flowed beautifully over the snowy landscape ending with simply… “You Matter”. Who wouldn’t get the feels at Christmas time over that?  

It was meaningful, serene, and quite powerful.  I have no doubt those words were straight from his heart.  For anyone who has met me, the next part is no surprise. My team always joked when I was on shift that I only slept 30 minutes a night (Not true by the way!). On this particular night, they were right. I wasn’t able to get my brain to shut off so I could sleep.  My mind was racing and thinking about the message in Chief Wright’s video.  Not being able to sleep, the only the logical thing to do was pour a bowl of cereal, sit on the couch, and open up Facebook at 2am.  And there it was, Chief Wright’s video. It was like Chief was trying to tell me that he thought I mattered.  While he no doubt would rather me just go back to bed and get some rest, I kept listening to the music and playing the words in my head, pondering the meaning of the lyrics  Part of what kept me up that night was how “hallelujah” can sometimes be associated with pain, sorrow, and death. 

Hallelujah may be joyful for some people, but I would contend that everyone's hallelujah is not the same. The journey to hallelujah is sometimes filled with pain, sadness, and strife. Maybe, just maybe, a person crying "hallelujah" is attempting to look up during the worst of times and cry out to the only positive thing in their soul just trying to make it just one more day.  Or perhaps it is a person who has joy in their heart and is truly thankful. The night I saw that video, my wife and I had all four of our daughters under one roof.  With one getting ready for college then and two of the four balancing life between Texas and Alaska, this was a true blessing. At that moment, this was my "hallelujah", the joyful and thankful one.  But this also made me reflect on the previous month, where I had experienced the other “hallelujah”, and the pain, sadness, and strife that I had felt was on my mind as well.

My last quarter of 2019 involved working with a family as they adjusted to the passing of their active duty father, husband, and Airman.  While it was truly my honor to help them, I wish I could have taken their pain away.  Sadly, I could not.  Just after my time concluded with this amazing family, my younger sister passed away unexpectedly.  On top of that a couple of calls as a first responder conjured up old memories, I thought I successfully compartmentalized deep down inside. It’s easy to tell ourselves to bounce back and be resilient. But we sometimes we forget to admit that our souls suffer after bearing witness to pain.  I would compare soul resiliency to the regeneration of certain organs. According to the Mayo Clinic, the liver has the greatest regenerative ability of all organs in the human body.  I believe our soul is quite similar.  When we see death, suffer horrible internal pain or encounter certain situations, a part of our soul dies.  Under certain circumstances, just like that liver, our souls can regenerate.  Although it may not regenerate exactly as it was prior, it can bounce back.  Even though events such as these shape our perspective, proper care during recovery can allow the soul to restore as a more positive version of what it was.  When our soul hurts, when it is crying “hallelujah” in desperation during the worst of times, annual training, CBT’s, or even mandatory fun won’t reconstruct the parts of our soul that are annihilated.  What we are looking for to regenerate our souls, those positive circumstances, is hope. 

Hope is a subtle beacon. Floating through a sea of fog, we can't always find our bearing. That light, that beacon, might be faint.  Sometimes we don’t see the light at first, but maybe we first hear the bell that accompanies the beacon.  We must follow the ever-faint sound of that bell that eventually leads to the softest of lights. The tranquility or peace that might envelope a person after they've finally found what has been lost for so long could be their "hallelujah." That's why hope is so powerful. As leaders, we preach connectedness and resiliency but the true challenge is how do we truly sell "hope"? And if we as leaders, are also in pain, how do we help others find hope while also finding it ourselves?  The pain and suffering that we are experiencing is like a mist or fog that shrouds our light.  If we shine a light as bright as we can, but we have not cleared the mist or fog of our suffering, it reflects backward and does not reach it’s intended destination. We have to move through our mist and fog in order to give hope to others, and help them move through their barrier so that they can see our light or beacon and lead them to their joyful “hallelujah”. 

So far in my career, helping people is the greatest honor I’ve had.  When I was trusted to help that family after their loss, I was also going through a difficult and painful time.  I had to find my hope and my journey to a joyful “hallelujah”, while trying to be a beacon for someone else.  First and foremost, I did my job, took care of my people, and didn’t waiver from my responsibilities.  I dug deep, pushed, grinded and focused on what needed to be done.  While I still didn’t see my beacon yet, when I least expected it, I heard the bell.  It’s wasn’t as dramatic as we would see in a Nicholas Sparks movie adaptation, but just as effective and powerful.  Someone reached out to me and said, HEY, “I know you’re not ok.”  My immediate thought was “Dang it”, as I thought I was dialed in.  I didn’t think anyone noticed, and no one else had been bold enough to call me out.  Obviously, many offered kind thoughts in my difficult time, but this person was worried about how long I could keep grinding.  As leaders, we are taught to know our people.  But do we really know them, or do we only know what they want us to see?  Are we bold enough to dig deeper and earn that trust from our friends and co-workers?  If we want to be effective beacons of hope, we need to earn the trust.  That trust is earned through time, energy, and effort (Right Chris??).  I got through it because someone had the stones to let me know he cared, which allowed me to see hope.  It allowed me to help others find their hope as well.

In contrast to where I was in December of 2019, fast-forward to starting my new job recently.  I’ve achieved my dream now in this new position.  Right now, my “hallelujah” is truly rooted in joy.  On my fifth day in the seat trying to find my rhythm in a new culture, I received a random text with a meme attached to it.  It read, “Hey brother, this is literally how I felt starting out and still do sometimes…let me know if you need anything”. Thank you for that meme Lego!  Those unsolicited and subtle acts of kindness build trust and can give us hope when we think no one truly cares. Establish that trust early when things are calm.  Randomly send a text or call someone you haven’t spoken to in a few days.  We need that because when times get rough, the trust you established when times are good becomes the foundation of hope, that subtle light and sound that brings a person back from the fog of despair.  Be the beacon early.  Your investment in making real connections can and will lead someone from a hallelujah of desperation to one of joy and contentment. 

Editor’s Note: Joe Baugh is a senior enlisted leader in the United States Air Force.  He has served as Assistant Fire Chief and Superintendent for Operations within Fire Protection, AETC Master Instructor and has served as an Airman Leadership School instructor.  He has recently started his journey as First Sergeant for the 354th Operations Group, Eielson AFB, Alaska.