Room to Grow

by W. Scott Greene

In February of 2019, we “welcomed” a new addition to our household. His name was Marvin. Marvin’s inclusion in our family came as a bit of a surprise…we were not planning or expecting his arrival at all. And no, Marvin was not a baby boy, a puppy, or even a kitten for that matter. Marvin was a goldfish.

As I said, we weren’t planning on getting a goldfish, however the Youth Pastor at our church had other plans. One Sunday in February, a goldfish was given to each child who came to church that day. I do not recall if any fish stories were included in the sermon in Junior Church that morning. But I do recall dozens of kids exiting the youth wing of the church, each carrying a plastic bag filled with water, containing one small goldfish.

My first thoughts when seeing those plastics bags, with the water trashing about within, included wondering how bewildered and discombobulated these goldfish must feel, bouncing about in their enclosure. I also wondered about the fate that many of these goldfish would meet. From what I’ve understood as a child from winning goldfish at the fair, was that their lifespan was pretty short. You might come home from school to find yours floating upside down-- dead in the water, or that they have disappeared altogether, with a short explanation from your parents that they were “set free”.

As my son carried Marvin to the car, I thought to myself “Well, I guess we’ll see how long this lasts.”

When Marvin joined our family, he was at most 2 centimeters in length, a tiny little guy. In my opinion, that due to his size, he would be deemed insignificant, be overlooked, and ultimately neglected. I expected Marvin’s life expectancy to last no more than a week or two. Man, was I wrong…very wrong.

There are countless ways to kill a goldfish. Besides the “set free” method popularized by so many parents over the years, there are plenty of more innocent acts that could lead to their demise. Not cleaning their water, overfeeding them, forgetting to feed them, coupling them with another incompatible species, or even putting them in the wrong temperature of water, are just a few of the ways. While I considered Marvin to be a just a mere blip on the radar, my wife viewed him differently. For those who do not know her, my wife is someone you would call a nurturer.

Over the next several weeks Marvin’s space in our house grew. He moved from a plastic bag to a fishbowl that sat on our kitchen counter. He then moved to a larger fishbowl, and then into a small fish tank. My wife carefully measured his food when she fed him, she treated his water, she routinely cleaned his tank, ensuring that the water she replaced in it with was just the right temperature. Over the next few months Marvin moved from tank to tank, each one bigger than the last, eventually to where he is now, in a 20-gallon aquarium. Marvin no longer sits on our kitchen counter. He now has a prominent spot in our house. His aquarium is filled with colorful rocks, has a filter system, a castle, a plant, and its soft, fluorescent lights glow throughout the house, creating mesmerizing reflections on the adjacent wall.

As Marvin’s habitat grew, so did he.

That goldfish, who was a mere 2 centimeters when we got him, is about 8 ½-9 inches now.  My guess is he probably weighs about pound. Marvin thrives in his environment. He’s smart. He knows when his feeding time is. He swims up to the glass when someone approaches. He swims in, out, and around his castle as if he’s performing for his visitors. I once considered him insignificant, but now I him consider another member of the family. All because my wife, the nurturer, ensured he was given the best conditions, care, comfort, and most importantly the room to grow.

Now some of you are reading this and probably thinking “Cool, story Bro…” and wondering what any of this has to do with leadership. I believe a few lessons can be found here, especially if we carefully examine the importance of giving others the room to grow.

Many of us in leadership roles are familiar with the experience of not having a choice over who joins our team. In the military, new members of our unit are assigned to us based on change of station rotations or through the technical training school pipeline. Other organizations may experience this based on reductions in force, corporate mergers, or similar organizational changes. Too often we may fall in the dangerous trap of failing to recognize the significance of those who may be much further down than the organizational chart than we are. The less we know of them, or the more junior their position, the less significant they may seem to us. When we immediately deem someone to be insignificant, we are making the decision to write that person off, with the intent to leave them as they are, often considering them to be “dead in the water”.  When we label someone as insignificant, we are saying they serve no real purpose. This is not only dangerous to the well-being of the individual, but to the entire organization as well. Labeling someone insignificant is a declaration that we do not plan to invest in, develop, and support that individual, even though in reality, they are in fact contributing to the overall mission and well-being of the organization, regardless of how little or how much that may be. When we label someone as insignificant, we are denying them the opportunity to showcase their talents, skills, perspectives, and solutions they bring to the team.

On the contrary, when we immediately identify someone to be significant, we recognize their value and contributions, not only in the moment, but for the future. When we recognize their value, we are more inclined to invest in them, to not only support the needs of the team, but to encourage them to become their best self. As leaders we must ensure the conditions for growth are in place.

Too often we leave folks out on their own, expecting them to figure it out. We give lip service to the importance of professional and personal development, but do we back those words up with being intentional and providing deliberate opportunities? Are we truly giving our folks room to grow? Here’s what I mean by this.

• When a professional or personal development opportunity comes along, are your folks “highly encouraged” to attend, or do you register them for the opportunity yourself…and even join along-side them in participating in the event? 

• Are you feeding them what they need rather than what they want? I’m not referring to literal food here. I’m talking about supportive, inclusive, communication that provides productive, quality feedback and direction. Or do important conversations only take place after a critical, negative incident takes place?

• Lastly, what are the conditions of the work environment? Stained carpets? Smudged walls? Burned out lights, worn out furniture, dated equipment? Studies have shown that when leadership invests in creating high quality, safe, clean, and updated workspaces, that productivity and job satisfaction grow. Employees thrive in workspaces they are proud to be in.

When Marvin joined our family, I didn’t really have much of a say in the matter and I easily wrote him off as insignificant. I ensured everyone in the house that it was their responsibility to feed him, clean his aquarium, change the filter, turn the aquarium lights on/off depending on the time of day etc. Initially I had very little to do with Marvin. Other than passing by his aquarium as I left for work in the morning and returning in the evening, we had very little interaction.

For over a year I paid him very little attention. What I didn’t notice during that time, was that through the care he received from my wife, he was growing (and growing, and growing) and developing a personality of his own. Then COVID happened. As I began working remotely, my make-shift office was set up in the very same room as Marvin’s aquarium. Since March, Marvin and I have become pretty close. No longer am I expecting others to watch over him. As a matter of fact, sharing an office with Marvin has helped me become grounded through the chaos and uncertainty over the past 9 months. I began making his feeding times my priority, which helped me establish a routine, something that so many of us are challenged with when working from home. If I ever needed a break from staring my laptop screen, the soft, reflective lights of Marvin’s aquarium are a welcomed distraction. Marvin is proving his significance.

Thanks to Marvin, I’ve learned to realize that no matter a person’s (or goldfish’s) position in an organization, everyone is significant. Everyone has potential to make an impact. We must be deliberate in creating an atmosphere that encourages development and allows people to be their best. It is up to us to create the conditions that allow room to grow.